The Dork Side of the Farce
I’m not a Star Wars fan (not anymore). Growing up, I enjoyed the movies as any kid would, but then a traumatic event occurred. That event was “The Phantom Menace”. I was 21 when it came out and I remember the hype for it being so intense, that it really felt like everyone was setting themselves up for a huge disappointment (and they were).
That movie was awful… No, it was retarded (yes, in THAT way). I remember watching the movie in the theatre and feeling really awkward. Kind of like when you were a kid and you buy a ticket to a children’s movie so you could seek into the restricted movie that was playing beside it, except you got busted and were forced to sit through it. I kept waiting for the real movie to begin… but it never did. Instead of a film, I was exposed to a Nintendo taking a crap on itself. I was in the middle of some sort of porn theatre for nerds and idiots, and the kid behind me kept kicking my seat! Alas, my childhood was gone forever!
Sometimes it takes a traumatic event like this to thrust you forward in life. Looking back at that horrible experience, things have become much clearer for me. Never again have I anticipated ANYTHING to be good (movies, music, TV etc) because nothing can compete with the stories and ideas you create for yourself in your own mind. With regards to entertainment, my philosophy is simple, “create your own amusement”. And believe me it works.
This week the final Star Wars movie comes out, and I’m not going to see it. Not because I’m conducting some nerdy fan-boycott or anything, but because I’ve already seen it. How? A few weeks ago I got the chance to read the script for the new movie. This gave me a chance to envision the movie the way I would have liked to see it. To me, this means far less CGI, more animatronics and far better acting.
In the end, I’ll give the movie 5 out of 10. Why so low? Well, despite my efforts, the dialogue was still pretty lousy and the battle scenes do go on way too long. But also, instead of the Chewbacca cameo, in my version it was a drunken Billy Dee Williams cameo. The piano playing Ewok was a bad idea. The “Dark Side” is actually a gay bar outside of Milwaukee. And I was really hoping Darth Vader would kill off that Jar Jar character, instead of him choking to death on his own feces.
That movie was awful… No, it was retarded (yes, in THAT way). I remember watching the movie in the theatre and feeling really awkward. Kind of like when you were a kid and you buy a ticket to a children’s movie so you could seek into the restricted movie that was playing beside it, except you got busted and were forced to sit through it. I kept waiting for the real movie to begin… but it never did. Instead of a film, I was exposed to a Nintendo taking a crap on itself. I was in the middle of some sort of porn theatre for nerds and idiots, and the kid behind me kept kicking my seat! Alas, my childhood was gone forever!
Sometimes it takes a traumatic event like this to thrust you forward in life. Looking back at that horrible experience, things have become much clearer for me. Never again have I anticipated ANYTHING to be good (movies, music, TV etc) because nothing can compete with the stories and ideas you create for yourself in your own mind. With regards to entertainment, my philosophy is simple, “create your own amusement”. And believe me it works.
This week the final Star Wars movie comes out, and I’m not going to see it. Not because I’m conducting some nerdy fan-boycott or anything, but because I’ve already seen it. How? A few weeks ago I got the chance to read the script for the new movie. This gave me a chance to envision the movie the way I would have liked to see it. To me, this means far less CGI, more animatronics and far better acting.
In the end, I’ll give the movie 5 out of 10. Why so low? Well, despite my efforts, the dialogue was still pretty lousy and the battle scenes do go on way too long. But also, instead of the Chewbacca cameo, in my version it was a drunken Billy Dee Williams cameo. The piano playing Ewok was a bad idea. The “Dark Side” is actually a gay bar outside of Milwaukee. And I was really hoping Darth Vader would kill off that Jar Jar character, instead of him choking to death on his own feces.
posted by Kevin at 11:36 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home